CHAPTER 5 The Harmonizers

     ANNIE's sister Joan, five years her junior but now deceased, had married Ernest Cooper, having two children: Philip, now 36 and married to an Alice Thornton, and Violet, now 34, married to Martin Fisher, a gentleman whose family had borne the name of "Fischberg" before migrating from Poland and resorting to camouflage in the days before a Jewish identity had come to be seen in England as something superb.

     Annie's dealings with Philip, before her Re-education, had quite often been severely strained on account of her nephew being a cocksure young man given to sermonizing who worked at the Ministry of Harmony, the biggest single industry and largest employer of labour in the country, a magnitude hardly surprising considering the scope and importance of harmonizing all human activity from table tennis to tomato cultivation, both of which could be susceptible to racism. His wife, a teacher, was a replica of his and the Ministry's views who by coincidence happened to teach at the same college of further education which Honey now attended, namely the Robert Mugabe College in Thornton Heath.

     In pursuit of their common concern to reduce world over-population by means of White abstention from reproduction, they had joyfully undergone irreversible sterilization. Thus enhanced, they had no less joyfully hastened to adopt a mentally deficient and physically deformed child from Bangladesh whose total contribution to civilization consisted in spending its days making faces, abominable noises, and plentifully distributing showers of spittle to all and everything in range, accomplishments which its adoptive parents seemingly found exceptionally endearing; and the more so when assured that the monstrosity would always retain them.

     Philip and Alice were, as you can thus see, living testimony to the ultimate efficacy of past decades of "Help Feed the Third World!" advertising and all the propaganda in favour of making a fuss of the freaks. Passionately imbued with a deranged inversion of values originating in the inherent implications and even the explicit message of Christianity – that sickly spiritual solvent from whence derives the whole ethos of liberalism, democracy, internationalism, multiracialism, socialism and communism; being the various formulae for the debility and destruction of the Aryan peoples – for Philip and Alice the more wretched and deficient the manifestation of life, the more deserving of the most lavish care it was.

     The Colour-loving compassion of the couple ensured that they received as they richly deserved the sizeable subsidy the Ministry awarded to all such paragons of harmony who either took Coloured spouses or adopted Coloured children in response to the daily indoctrination acclaiming Coloureds as being not merely deserving but alluring. lndeed, so compassionate were they in all directions contrary to the biological welfare of their own folk that one of the great delights of their super-caring lives was to take stock of the rapidly increasing ratio of Coloureds and mulattoes in the population of England, and the concomitant decline of England's White heritage. This irreversible transformation of the land and people of England was seen by them as the vital atonement for the White man's back-breaking burden of guilt.

     Despite his obvious merits, having so far only reached the middle echelon of the Ministry, Philip was not yet privy to the secret that the real reason behind all the Ministry's propaganda was not really a compassion for Nature's rejects or concern for the participants in racial integration, hut instead the purely utilitarian consideration that a public so moved was by its enfeeblement rendered that much more amenable to control. By the time Philip would become privy to this, his mind could he depended on to have become so addled with the divers dictates of Harmony as not to be disjointed by the revelation.

     So diligently zealous was his spouse, that on learning from a stray remark by a pupil that a White parent was trying to research family history, a clear indication to Alice of incipient racism, she lost no time at all in reporting the activity to the Ministry by way of Philip. While the Ministry did not at that date explicitly ban such activity for the sake of preserving a semblance of amiable tolerance of even some things of which it disapproved, it made very sure that it achieved the same effect by its highly enterprising denial of virtually all the facilities necessary for the activity in view. Thus the erring parent soon experienced the result of being put on the "Dangerous Persons List" at record offices and elsewhere; that parent being denied access to records on one specious excuse or another, such as the accusation of having dirtied or otherwise damaged some document while looking at it.

     It so happened that at that precise time the Ministry was about to negate the seeming freedom to produce further books on English folk history by the simple expedient of deviously denying the necessary paper supplies. To complement this it was resourcefully arranging for existing titles somehow to be "lifted" from libraries or made to disappear from publishers' warehouses. In all of this was demonstrated the favourite modus operandi of Democracy under which freedom is perpetually proclaimed in principle while constantly denied in practice, so that dictatorship in disguise and by deceit prevails.

     Philip was completely captivated by the vital work of the Ministry in which in his opinion he played a most important part. He saw himself as enormously useful in helping to guide the public to realize what it wanted because of what the Ministry ensured the public came to think it wanted: a rationale which might have puzzled lesser mortals, but not a man from the Ministry. To those of the elite such as he, this arcane formulation was the encapsulation of the essence of Democracy. His whole spirit feasted, utterly fascinated, on the totally engaging, esoteric principle of life to which he was a party that he who serves the public is he who shapes the public response in the first place: that the will of the people, which has to be obeyed, is simply the will of the Ministry implanting its opinions in the minds of the people through its apparatus of access to those minds and its means of controlling them.

     Thus it was that to Philip it was rapturously satisfying that a whole array of seemingly independent public opinion polls ceaselessly operated, giving the most convincing impression of a never-ending register of the people's wish, and to which the authorities constantly corresponded in their actions as ceaseless proof of their obedience to the public will. Satisfying it was precisely because as a man at the Ministry he knew – but must never reveal – that all these polls which he helped to process were undercover operations of the Ministry itself which rigged them from beginning to end. It was all a beautiful circle of perpetual motion as he saw it: the Ministry always doing whatever the public wanted because the Ministry had always made sure that the public wanted whatever the Ministry was going to do.

     The Ministry, acknowledged Philip with pride, was supremely adept at the gentle art of terminological transmutation. This, put simply, was the inversion of meanings to serve socially desirable ends. "Love", as love of race and nation, was inverted to become "hate", as race hatred of Jews and Coloureds. "Patriotism" was presented as "bigotry", a beastliness bordering on racism. The list was long and lengthening.

     The hand of the Ministry was omnipresent, the mind of the Ministry omniscient. Always the Ministry was there to guide and mould. Its "Positive Penance Programme" was superb psychological artistry, or so Philip thought. Far surpassed were the days when those concerned to care for Coloureds in distant parts merely delighted in alleviating their feeling of guilt by making themselves mildly ridiculous, wearing red blobs on their noses as they perambulated with their collecting boxes; thus successfully demonstrating by their clownish appearance what clowns they truly were. Now, such was the rate of progress, proper provision was made by the all caring Ministry which had imbued them with guilt in the first place for them to assuage that guilt in far more profound exhibitions of masochism.

     At regular intervals the Ministry arranged mass marches of penance in towns throughout the land. They were unique as a public activity because for a special and obvious reason they were restricted to Whites, and thus departed from the normal rule of non-discrimination which in any case was only enforced in favour of Coloureds.

     What happened was this: the lucky Whites were allowed, nay obliged, to stagger along under a 20-kilo load of sand in a bag strapped on the shoulders which dramatically symbolized the White man's burden of guilt for oppressing the Coloureds. There was more to it than just this, though. Reminiscent of the flagellants of old, the purging Whites were urged to derive the maximum benefit from the therapy by vigorously scourging themselves all along the lengthy route with short whips thoughtfully supplied by the Ministry at the starting point, and recovered at the finishing point ready for next time. In rhythm with the exhilarating lash, the Whites were supposed to call down on their heads all manner of discomforts and disabilities as just punishments for their grim burden of guilt.

     Those despicable citizens insufficiently public-spirited to turn out for these entirely voluntary processions of penance just happened to find as the understandable price of their abuse of freedom that they came to bear a burden in lots of other ways. For instance, they would be passed over for promotion in their employment as a result of a 'Uncooperative Notice' being sent by the Ministry to their firms. They would find that their tax bill had been considerably enlarged because of a cryptic rounding-up charge. They would be accused of dropping litter or loitering suspiciously or exceeding the speed limit or parking improperly or some other offence so that life became miserable indeed, and it was seen to be far better to shoulder the sand-bag on the next occasion to bring an end to the harassment.

     Incidentally, such remedial harassment was applied to a whole range of minor infractions of Harmony. Thereby a facade of freedom could be maintained through the absence of explicit prohibition by law. Unspoken and informal prohibition by contrived restriction short of law was as good if not better than law in achieving its end of enforcing compliance in a multitude of ways. In these clandestine methods of control, so abundantly available in the technological state of the turn of the century, lay the fine art and distinguishing mark of the system of Democracy.

     Returning to Alice, she was enthralled by the Ministry's 'Therapy of the Tongue' programme which was urged on her as a teacher. This brilliant development offered the possibility of advancing society by the simple expedient of an uplift in language, removing unwanted aspects of life through the self-fulfilling potency of words alone. Insanity ceased with the habit of referring to persons concerned as being "alternatively orientated". Vandals were referred to as persons requiring breakage for self-expression. No longer was someone "inferior": that someone was a "deprived" person. He who had been "lazy" was now only "lesser motivated". "Perversion" just did not exist any longer. Instead there was only "diversity of urge" in the new and better England.

     A prelude to this "Therapy of the Tongue" programme had been the subtle and systematic substitution of "gay" for "queer" so strongly organized throughout the last quarter of the century in order to generate the illusion in the public mind that homosexuality is something pleasant. This big business of promoting acceptance of sexual perversion was to be expected as the natural accompaniment of that perversion in politics seen in the relinquishment and disavowal of White racial patriotism alongside the espousal of social laxity at large by all the parties of Democracy during that preceding period.

     By the end of the century it had reached the stage at which it was compulsory for all pictures, whether stills or movies, which showed dances or any other activity where men and women exceeding ten in number were in physical contact or close proximity to show some males embracing males and some females embracing females as a token of tolerance. Beyond this, such was the thrust of the vanguard of the homosexual community in promoting "gayness" that it jubilantly hailed the fast-approaching day when heterosexuality would be seen as the divergence of the primitive minority, and "gayness" would be seen as the norm of the enlightened majority.

     Alice, it should be mentioned, was truly an Amazon in the Ministry's fight against sexism. Capable of writhing in fury at any reference to a woman as "pretty", she fiercely delighted in appearing as unfeminine as possible. Along with thousands upon thousands of her fellow emancipators, she rejected the very designation "woman" as a deplorable subjection of "wo" to "man" . Always she corrected users of this abhorrent term with the new noun "fem" for persons who happened to be biologically female, despite whatever appearances to the contrary.

     Other objectionable terms such as "manpower", "man-made", "manhole" and "mankind"; "statesman","workman" and "craftsman" had been among a hundred or so which had been done away with through doctoring the dictionaries. Even Father Christmas had now to be spoken of and depicted as always in the company of Mother Christmas though some more advanced thinkers felt that only by presentation as a hermaphrodite could the figure of Christmas be righted.

     Totally and blithely free of any perception that all she stood for in ostensible defence of her sex was deeply destructive of its very identity, she hotly pleaded for what amounted to an ultimate unisexuality wherein the distinction between male and female would be seen and treated as a matter of outmoded artificialities or comparative superficialities, and the two would become to the utmost possible one and the same. Thus human merger was the driving urge of her being: a merger of races, sexes and classes to produce the ultimate of Harmony, namely oneness, for which another and truer name is degeneration.

     Priding herself on her engulfing enthusiasm for the harmonizing "open door" and "outstretched hand" policies of the Ministry, Alice naturally approved entirely of all desirous of migrating to England being not only allowed to do so, but encouraged to do so, and helped to do so not only by being given instant citizenship but also instant financial assistance on a lavish scale and numerous privileges and priorities. She no less approved of the corollary that to prevent more overcrowding in an island now blessed with a population of 100 million – a great part of it now Coloured or part-Coloured by immigration or breeding – at least a number of Whites equal to the number of further immigrants had to be encouraged by various inducements or harassments to depart to foreign and less fertile parts of the globe.

     Should it be thought from this total absence in Alice of any concern for her own ethnic community that she was similarly insensitive to the plight of other endangered stock, it must be recounted that she had devoted great feeling and energy to championing the cause of the exceedingly rare, beetle-browed ant of remotest Mongolia. Many all old-fashioned, female tear had she shed at the thought of its dwindling numbers and threatened disappearance. Generously had she contributed to a fund to finance its rehabilitation by transfer to the Outer Hebrides where, somewhat to the displeasure of the dwindling natives, a controlled environment had been prepared for it at great expense. Alice, in so doing, had experienced additional joy at the thought that this transfer would make more room in remotest Mongolia for surplus Whites from not only England, but Scotland, Wales and Ireland also, including disgruntled Highlanders from the Outer Hebrides.

     Furthermore, lest it be thought that Alice and Philip were oddities of extremism, it should be noted that there were very many enthusiasts who went very much further in their formulation and promotion of ideas for the attainment of oneness that much more quickly. For instance, there was much support among the avant-garde within the Ministry for the idea of huge and immediate research into ways of boosting the pigmentation of Whites so that they became, visually, Coloured people; this as the interim solution to the problem of remaining generations of Whites before they became completely outbred by the Coloureds and part-Coloureds.

     Meanwhile, the same zealots argued, there should be a preparatory campaign to do away as far as possible with everything white in the world from toilet paper to handkerchiefs, indeed everything short of snow, which seemed to be a major problem, though the most forward thinkers believed in tackling that also. In this good cause the government had some time ago ceased issuing White Papers after passionate protest from the pygmy population of Plymouth.

     While awaiting the great day when either increased pigmentation or miscegenation ended the white problem in its human aspect, these zealots who were themselves still cursed with bodily whiteness resorted to continual efforts to obliterate this disfigurement. They fried themselves brown in the sun or in front of sun lamps, or they anointed themselves black with a lotion named 'Harmonia'. Yet still being left and afflicted with other aspects of the ugliness of Whites, they expended a substantial part of their wages on surgical operations to broaden their noses and thicken their lips, along with costly implants of fuzzy hair from freshly deceased African donors.

     A while back the urge among farmers and pet owners for pedigree animals had been eliminated seemingly by unanimous public wish, an impression of unanimity created at the wish of the Ministry of Harmony by its use of appropriate methods of government by clandestine restriction to supplement a propaganda campaign presenting with every conceivable concoction the conclusion that "mongrels are best". This reform had of course been vital in view of the highly dangerous contradiction otherwise between humans and animals. To the most advanced seekers after Harmony it had been even more vital because to them animals were a matter not merely of analogy but of actual identification which is why they went to work and to play wearing on the back of their ubiquitous jeans the imposing slogan "We are all equal animals".

     Some such noble souls were earnestly engaged with the aid of generous grants from the Ministry in investigation into ways of eliminating bigotry and racial hatred in animals, not merely as desirable in itself as furthering the oneness of all animals, but also as research helpful to the elimination of such grievous defects in those creatures distinguished as human. For instance, respecting cats and dogs, endless hours were expended in experiments to seek to convince the cats that they were just the same as the dogs, apart from utterly trivial and purely superficial differences; and that the past antipathy between them had been initiated and maintained by wicked humans, invariably Whites. "Cats will be dogs, and dogs will be cats" was their inspiring motto.

     Such people even advocated votes for monkeys and all other primates, coming up with a clever means of balloting these deprived and underprivileged victims of discrimination. This was the invention of a device which emitted radiations which instantly caused a reflex in the brain of the animal, and then registered as a vote the sign of that reflex in the form of a shaking of the head up and down, taken as affirmative action although really only indicative of cranial discomfort. The Minister of Harmony, while appreciative of the idealistic ingenuity involved, nevertheless remained hesitant to give his approval in case knowledge of the device might lead the public to perceive that in respect of the functioning of another device – television – they had all been made the monkeys.

     Anyhow, regarding human voting, the antiquated procedure of periodic elections by means of the paraphernalia of polling booths and 'X's on bits of paper laboriously counted by hand had just recently been done away with by the Extension of Democracy: Instant Voting Act of 1998. Henceforth anyone anywhere any time could dial a number by telephone and cast a vote on anyone or anything, and the results every day were presented on a special television channel devoted to them and entitled "The Channel of Living Democracy", along with news of the immediate implementation of the winning wishes of the people. It was in this far superior manner that Parliament was now elected. Any M.P. could at any time be dismissed and a replacement chosen, given sufficient votes; likewise the Prime Minister and other members of the Government. What of course was not disclosed to persons outside the Ministry was the comforting fact that, if by some untoward error the result of the voting was not in accord with the relevant conditioning of the public, then without fail the presented result was not in accord with the actual result, while having the merit in this discrepancy of fully according with the wishes of the Ministry. It was as simple as that.

CHAPTER 6 The Staging of "Holocaust"

     ANNIE'S niece Violet had, as previously recorded, been fortunate enough to be selected as spouse by Martin Fisher, one of the Chosen Ones, namely a Jew. This in the England of the late 1990s was no small distinction, and much sought after in view of the august precedence by then assigned to Jews in this country and across the world. Their elevation to the status of the high caste of humankind had been primarily due to the stupendous success of a most brilliant propaganda operation of theirs called "Holocaust". This had been devised half way through the century based on a superlative stratagem whereby all jeopardy to Jewish ascendancy could be eliminated by identifying all criticism of that ascendancy with a multi-million extermination of Jews alleged to have just occurred; thus evoking oceans of sympathy to drown all unfavourable mention.

     "Holocaust" was the story that the German National Socialists, commonly called "Nazis" and held to be the personification of all evil, had deliberately killed millions of innocent Jews in extermination camps just because they did not like Jews for no good reason at all; and had done this principally by gassing them with an anti-typhus disinfectant called Zyklon B.

     According to the technicians of this device of damnation by association, the lesson to be learned from the "Holocaust" was that anyone harbouring anything of the same criticism of the Jews as the German Nazis harboured the same capacity and intention of extermination. Hence there must be no criticism whatsoever, and this included any questioning whatsoever of the details of the "Holocaust" which was thus protected from any impartial and searching scrutiny whereby its multitudinous inconsistencies and downright absurdities and deliberate falsities might be detected. Such was the massive force of the psychological onslaught of the "Holocaust" operation, supplemented by the supportive measures of suppression, that by the late 1990s free speech concerning the Jews had been exterminated, and only complimentary mention was permissible.

     As the very end of the century fast approached, the original figure of six-million exterminated Jews was periodically increased, somewhat in keeping with monetary inflation, so as regularly to replenish the vitality of the legend. Thus in 1999 there came the world-startling and world-agonizing discovery of hitherto unknown underground gas chambers and crematoria and huge deposits of human ash in artificial caverns in Germany's Black Forest. This allowed the total of Jewish victims of the "Holocaust" to be raised to ten-million. It was conceded where necessary that this exceeded the total of Jews previously accounted for as living in Europe at the time, but readily explained away as due to the evil anti-Semites having managed to falsify pre-war statistics as part of their foul efforts to belittle the Jews.

     Never an hour of any day passed without the media administering the desirable dose of "Holocaust", sustaining and reinforcing the fixation in the public mind with some new gruesome extension of detail immediately imbibed and unquestioningly believed by the spellbound public. After all, these were far more processed subjects of the media than those of some 50 years earlier who, during that world war for good against evil in which the "Holocaust" was supposed to have occurred, had nevertheless obediently digested such tasty stories of atrocities as that which reported that Nazi soldiers had turned out in football attire at a sports stadium to play football with Jewish babies, no small feat if one stops to consider the technicalities of this somewhat unconventional sport.

     In the midst of the massive work force assigned to promote the massive myth of the "Holocaust" was none other than our Martin Fisher, tirelessly dedicated to his work in Department 'C' of the Institute of Holocaust, a specialized agency of the Ministry of Harmony. Already, although young, he had earned many commendations for his ingenuity. For instance, with the accelerating statistics of the exterminated there was an increasing problem reconciling those statistics with the huge number of very long-lasting survivors who never ceased to show themselves through their incessant clamour for endless and unlimited compensation and vengeance, and with any believable total for Jews in Europe before the event. Therefore Martin had come up with the brilliant idea, which the Ministry was at the moment seriously considering, that it be announced that it had now been discovered that every single Jew in Europe had been truly gassed, but by a now revealed miracle of Jehovah's singular favour they had every single one of them been brought back to life again whole and hearty after the war; this divine intervention finally and fully proving the worthiness of the Jews to be the deity's overseers of humankind.

     "Holocaust" injection obviously had to begin in the schools, even if the big 'H' intruded to the detriment of the '3 Rs' (Reading, (W)riting and (A)rithmetic). Thus about the very first thing that Honey had learned at school had been to do with this titanic tale of woe, the most terrible event in history. If there was any misconduct at school more heinous than that derogatory to Coloureds, it was that which showed any lack of interest in and respect for the "Holocaust" of the Chosen Ones.

     Children of Honey's England were taught to think for themselves, or so the saying went. However it went without saying that they needed all the time to be guided to think the right things for themselves by their teachers, those teachers being the mind-shapers of the young approved by the Ministry of Education which by the late 1990s had become a satellite of the Ministry of Harmony. Reverence for the "Holocaust" was pre-eminently the right thing to think.

     Outside school the mythomania of the "Holocaust" pervaded the whole of life. Newspapers carried on their front-pages daily an inset demanding "Don't forget the Holocaust!" Supermarket shopping bags and all other suitable articles from cars to carpets were emblazoned with such words as "Remember Auschwitz !" "Holocaust" shrines appeared at roadsides the length and breadth of the land where travellers could rest and recite poems of remembrance inscribed on the walls. At 11 o'clock every morning sirens and bells called a halt to life throughout England for two minutes, not on account of some long forgotten armistice in some war of 1914-18, but because of the extermination of the Jews in the World War for Democracy of 1939-45.

     Some fanatics in the frenzy of their piety stopped washing because they believed the Jews had been processed into soap by the Nazi fiends. Mystics among the Chosen Ones claimed that they could tell which relative had gone into which bar of soap: an extent of insight even exceeding that of a Jewish gentleman in the 1980s who at a trial in Canada of a monster of a man who dared to question the "Holocaust" had disclosed that, when himself a prisoner at Auschwitz concentration camp, he had been able to tell exactly what nationality was that day being gassed there by observing the colour of the smoke from the chimneys of the crematoria.

     However, there were some who believed it was margarine not soap that the Jews had been turned into. Accordingly they suffered acute indigestion of the order of temporary paralysis of the whole alimentary canal, if they ever – unknowingly – consumed the commodity. Naturally they did not knowingly invite this psychosomatic consequence of impiety, so the sales of margarine suffered something of a slump.

     The May Day of Merrie England of centuries ago had been turned into a colossal commemoration of "Holocaust". In place of the barbaric festivities around the maypole in benighted days of yore there were now far more uplifting spectacles. Sackcloth processions of sorrow for the sufferings of the Semites took place in most parts, heading in the general direction of Israel, latterly proclaimed the centre of the universe as a sign of reverence. Pageants of "Holocaust" were enacted throughout the country with hordes of eager volunteers dressed as concentration camp inmates parading around with brutishly made-up Nazi guards enthusiastically belabouring them with whips.

     Gentiles who attained prominence in the promotion of "Holocaust" remembrance were suitably honoured by being allowed to rank as honorary survivors or descendants of survivors, depending on age, as were of course all Jews who had not been in Europe at the time and were not descended from those who had. All such Judaized Gentiles were allowed to have special numbers tattooed on their arms to increase the resemblance, but the line was drawn against nasal surgery to carry the resemblance even further by creation of a "Holocaust" victim's hook in this orifice.

     In stark contrast to the horrific days of old when our dear Jews were obliged to wear a yellow Star of David to distinguish them as predatory strangers, they were now able and keen to wear one as a mark not only of honour but of valuable privileges as well. The wearers enjoyed a vast range of advantages from priority car parking to access to a seat in an already fully-occupied train, bus, theatre or other public place; non-wearers being obliged to stand up and make room for this aristocracy of the yellow star.

     Involved in the presentation of the "Holocaust" was the necessary portrayal of Adolf Hitler as the Super-Satan of the modern world. To attribute to him one single fragment of goodness, however microscopically minute, was despicably to deface the image of his total badness. This was by now unthinkable, or, if just barely conceivable, then enough to ensure a culprit's immediate committal to a long period of the severest course of correction in some remedial House of Harmony. Hitler was made to serve superbly as the supreme scapegoat for all the troubles of the Twentieth Century, so much so that it had become common practice to excuse all one's personal faults by blaming them on this ogre in some way or another, however tenuous; also to label all resistance to the advance of oneness as "Hitlerism". Thus by the time the glorious year 2000 arrived his picture always included the obligatory horns and tail, thus to distinguish him clearly as Democracy's Beelzebub.      A consequent reform had prohibited the raising of a hand in any manner remotely resembling a Hitler or fascist salute. This, the Greeting Act of 1996, had precisely laid down to the last centimetre the permissible height of the tip of the hand from the ground when performing any greeting by hand, the exact angle of the forearm from the shoulder, and that of the bend at the elbow, and prohibited the palm from being frontally open. In this well-thought-out fashion everybody became sufficiently instructed to avoid being mistaken for a follower of the devil.

     Democracy had made another magnificent advance in the following year with a law prohibiting some 200 highly objectionable terms and phrases. These included "blackleg", "blacklist", "blackguard", "blackmail", "two blacks don't make a white", and "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas". Asking for "white coffee" was also prohibited as suggestive of racial discrimination, although it remained permissible to express a preference for "black coffee Instead of specifying "white", one had to specify with or without milk, although in the rapibly increasing complexity of life in an England on the verge of a new century, milk, on account of its whiteness, was now the subject of a "Drink Less Milk!" campaign cleverly employing the convincing allegation that the fluid was a probable cause of ingrowing toe-nails.

     Several years earlier the very last performance of a black-and-white minstrel show had very unwisely been attempted by persons terribly out of touch with the times. This had resulted in the apprehension of all the performers at the very first rehearsal by an eager squad from the Harmony Force. Swiftly the transgressors had been transported, complete in their costumes and greasepaint, to a less-than-pleasant alternative podium in the precinct of a court; convicted for racial obscenity, and sentenced to a lengthy stay in a corrective institution.

     This had been about the time that similarly severe punishment had been meted out to some similarly ill-advised persons who had sought to stage Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice according to the original script. To their consequential suffering and sorrow they had failed to follow the new and improved version whereby Shylock had become a lovable lender of interest free loans of meat while working in the kitchens at Dachau Concentration camp, never insisting on the return of a pound of flesh whenever the borrower had eaten what after all was the nominal property of the diabolical Nazi authorities.