WOOF!

We all know that, like humans, all dogs are equal. They all bark and all can wag their tails. They eat meat and can freely copulate with each other to produce more dogs. Some dogs are small and some dogs are large. Some dogs run faster than others and some dogs cannot jump as high as others. Some dogs chase rabbits better than others and some won't chase them at all. Dogs come in a variety of hair lengths and hair colors. Like our human society, they are equal in their diversity.

Let's suppose that you, Mr. Racemixer, live on an island with Mr. Hate and thousands of dogs – something like Manhattan. Mr. Hate has a big, fat, naughty gun and he waves it in your face, from time time. One day, Mr. Hate arose with a migraine headache and was clearly in no mood for a balanced breakfast. You noticed this especially when he loaded his big, fat, naughty gun. After glaring at you for a few moments, he smiled and said that he initially wanted to see your brains splattered against the kitchen wall but he had somewhat changed his mind about using your noggin for target practice. Instead, he offered this:

"If you can bring me a rabbit for supper, then I won't fill your brain full of big, fat, naughty holes. To show that I am a reasonable fellow, I'll allow you to use a dog for assistance. Over there is a large pen filled with 500 look-alike beagles and over here is another pen filled with 500 beautifully diverse mongrels. We know that there are many mongrels who are excellent rabbit dogs and that there are some beagles who cannot seem to find their own tails. Each pen contains poor rabbit dogs; middling rabbit dogs; and excellent rabbit dogs. This is what equality is all about – whether good, fair, or bad, each equal pen contains some of each. I am now through talking and so you must pick either the beagle pen or the mongrel pen. Once you have selected a pen, you will then close your eyes and select an individual dog at random. If you make a wise pen selection, and probability is on your side, we shall both eat rabbit for supper, otherwise, I shall dine alone."

Remembering that good choices are those which allow the highest probability of success, which pen would you choose? Made up your mind yet? Or do you have faith in Affirmative Action and Equal Opportunity?

by Robert Frenz