"If any citizen of the United States shall accept, claim, receive, or retain any title of nobility or honour, or shall without the consent of Congress, accept and retain any present, pension, office, or emolument of any kind whatever, from any emperor, king, prince, or foreign power, such person shall cease to be a citizen of the United States, and shall be incapable of holding any office of trust or profit under them, or either of them."
LIPSTADT: "But David Irving is a terrible human being!! He's a Holocaust Denier, he mistranslated 'ausrotten' and he tells his daughter not to marry negroes."
JUSTICE FRENZ: "You have a point, Professor. David Irving is not exactly the most admirable human being that ever lived. Yes, I understand, he's probably made serious mistakes as a historian. Almost all of them do. But that's not our concern here today. This court finds that you, then being an American citizen, accepted money from Yad Vashem, an agency of the Government of the State of Israel and a recognized Foreign Power. That was a big no-no under the Constitution of the United States and the Sedition and Loyalties Act. Please surrender your passport, birth certificate, voter identification card, social security card and any other forms of government issued identification to the Clerk of the Court. The Marshal will escort you to the next available airliner departing for Tel Aviv. My very best wishes to you for your future success and happiness. Shalom."
FALWELL: "I worked hard to elect Ronald Reagan. I organized the Moral Majority to clean up all the corruption around us."
JUSTICE FRENZ: "But you also accepted a medal and a Lear Jet from Menachem Begin, then the Prime Minister of the State of Israel. And you also engaged in political lobbying in Washington to secure weapons and financial assistance for the State of Israel at the expense of the public treasury."
FALWELL: "But the Bible sez the Jews are God's Holy Chosen people."
JUSTICE FRENZ: "A number of reputable theologians disagree with you on that. Anyway, the Bible didn't tell you to take a Lear Jet and a medal from a Foreign Power. Are there any countries that might accept you immediately? Israel perhaps? The transit camp at Johnston Island is getting pretty full right now."
Ex-REPRESENTATIVE SANCHEZ: "This is a racist and sexist proceeding! I protest. The Hispanic people OWN California!"
JUSTICE FRENZ: "Order in the Court! This court will not permit such demonstrations. And you are wrong, Ms. Sanchez. It's not racist or sexist at all. Almost 60% of the convictions at this Constitutional Court have been of native born white people. Just last week every last defendant was a white male and a former member or employee of the Republican National Committee. So you don't deny this is your signature on this check drawn on the Bank of Mexico City? Do you deny having accepted the award from Presidente Fox in the ceremony documented by this photograph? No? Marshal Covington, please escort Ms. Sanchez to the next bus leaving for El Paso. NEXT!"
FOXMAN: "It's another Holocaust!"
JUSTICE FRENZ: "Mr Foxman, this court takes judicial notice of the fact that, under your leadership while an American citizen, the Anti-Defamation League accepted money from the Government of Israel. The evidence also shows that you wilfully allowed identified agents of the Mossad to operate from ADL offices while posing as officials of that organization. The documents introduced here also show your acceptance of a number of awards and commendations from the Government of the State of Israel. Now the Lipstadt Charter is already full. The clerk of the court is therefore directed to charter, by public competitive bid, sufficient numbers of FAA certified airworthy aircraft to carry you and your co-defendants to Tel Aviv. The clerk is authorized to withdraw from impounded ADL accounts sufficient monies to pay for those charters, afterwards rendering a full accounting to the Court."
JANE FONDA: "But Vietnam was an immoral war! Hundreds of thousands of innocent people were being killed! They were using napalm. "
JUSTICE FRENZ: "So this is your picture accepting a certificate from the Politburo of the People's Republic of Vietnam? Well, I'm told the beaches in Vietnam are some of the best in the world. Perhaps the Vietnamese Government will allow you to retire in style yet. NEXT!"
CLINTON: "It depends on what the meaning of Freedom is."
JUSTICE FRENZ: "This court has taken judicial notice of the fact that the City of London is a Foreign Power as defined by the Sedition and Loyalties Act. You accepted the "Freedom of the City" in a televised ceremony."
JUSTICE FRENZ: "Citizen Eric Thomson, this Court finds you Not Guilty. The so-called Government of Rhodesia was never diplomatically recognized by the United States of America and thus was never a Foreign Power as defined by the Sedition and Loyalties Act and the Amendment. The Court directs you to submit an itemization of your costs to the Clerk of the Court within the next seven days. The clerk is directed to issue you a refund check for all allowable defense costs of this action. This Court is Adjourned!"
MARSHAL COVINGTON: "ALL RISE!!!"