Many, many years ago, when animals could speak.
A wondrous thing the ducks befell, their tale is quite unique.
Down by a pond dwelt all these ducks, ten thousand
at the least.
Their duckish joys were undisturbed by any man or any beast.
One day down near the entrance gate, there
was an awful din.
A hundred hens all out of breath were begging to come in.
"Oh let us in!" these poor birds cried, "Before
we do expire!"
"'Tis only by the merest inch that we escaped the fire!"
Their feathers burned, their combs a droop,
they were the saddest sight.
They'd run a hundred miles or more, all day and then all night.
"Come, come in!" the ducks all quacked, "For
you our hearts do bleed!
We'll share our happy lot with you, just tell us what you need!"
And so these poor bedraggled hens amongst the
ducks moved in.
For, after all, the ducks declared, "We're sisters 'neath the skin."
Before too many months had passed, the hens
were good as new.
They sent for all their rooster friends, and these were welcomed too.
To please their host, these chickens tried
to waddle and to quack.
To simulate the duckish ways they quickly learned the knack.
This pleased the flock of ducks because it
gratified their pride.
...But hear my tale and learn how they got taken for a ride.
The ducks, it seemed, spent all their time
in fixing up their place,
In growing food and building homes and cleaning every space.
They asked the hens what they would do to earn
their daily bread.
"We'll teach and write and entertain, and buy and sell," they said.
And so these hens began to teach the baby ducks
They traded food and eggs and things, with many clever tricks.
They wrote great books and put on shows, of
genius they'd no lack.
It wasn't long 'til chickens owned The Duckville Daily Quack.
One day a mother duck who took her ducklings
to the lake,
Was flabbergasted when one said, "A swim I will not take!"
"Why ducklings always swim!" she gasped, "It's
what you're built to do!
Like bunnies hop, and crickets chirp, and cows most always moo!"
"Your just old fashioned, a fuddy duck, that
stuff is all old hat!"
"It's wrong for birds to swim; ...besides, it's too cold on my little pratt!"
"Oh fie!" the mother duck exclaimed, "You're
talking like a fool!"
Up quacked the other ducks and said, "He's right! Ms. Hen taught us that in school!"
"Such things must stop!" the mother cried,
"Those hens can't teach such lies!"
"For sheer ingratitude and nerve, I'm sure this takes the prize!"
...But she was wrong, for even then the hens
did thump the tub.
Demanding they be let into, The Duckville Swimming Club.
"But you don't swim!" the ducks all cried,
To join, why should you care?"
"That's not the point!" the hens replied, "To exclude us isn't fair!"
The younger ducks, who'd been to school, agreed
right there and then,
"To keep them out is bigotry!" "T'would just be ANTI-HEN...!"
Outnumbered by the younger ducks, the old ducks
soon did lose;
They agreed to let the hens all in, if they would pay the dues.
That night The Duckville Daily Quack contained
this banner spread:
"Reactionary Ducks Are Licked! DUCKVILLE MOVES AHEAD!"
Down at the Duckville Gaiety, the younger set
laughed with glee,
At cracks about "Old Fuddy Ducks" in burlesque repartee.
Next day the hens were at the club, a petition
they'd sent around.
They objected to the swimming fund with fury and with sound.
"You use our dues to fix the pond, to keep
it neat and trim."
"And this is wrong," they said, "Because you know we do not swim!"
"God help us!" cried a wise old duck, "These
chickens have gone mad!"
"We'll take this to the court, by George, and justice will be had!"
But when they went up to the judge, imagine
A CHICKEN-JUDGE decreed that they had a heavy fine to pay!
"Minorities must have their rights!" the judge
declared right then.
"To use hen's dues to fix the pond is very ANTI-HEN...!"
Once more the Duckville Daily Quack emblazoned
across the page:
"Old Foggy Ducks Refuse to See The Great New Coming Age!"
In Duckville church on Sunday morn, the preacher
spoke these words,
"Discrimination's got to stop! Remember we're all birds!"
The wisest duck in all the town sat down in
"I'll write a book," he thought, and then "This madness I will bare!"
"Let Swimmers Swim, let Hoppers Hop, let Each
One Go His Way.
Let No One Coerce a Fellow Bird!" was what he had to say.
"'Twas wrong to force the hens to swim so here's
the problem's crux;
It's just as bad for hens to try to chicken-ize our ducks!"
"I can't print that," the printer said, "'Twill
put me in a mess!"
"My shop is mortgaged to the hens, the chickens own my press!"
This worried duck then tried to warn his friends
by speech and pen.
Young ducks fresh from school just jeered "He's one of those a vicious Anti-Hens...!"
Now up the stream a little way was Gooseville,
on the lake.
The hens had come to Gooseville too, but the Geese were more awake.
When the hens began to spoil the young and
Gooseville's laws to flout,
The Geese Rose Up in Righteous Wrath and Simply Threw Them Out...!!!
Of course, you know where they all ran; on
Duckville they converged.
"We've got to take these refugees," was all Duckville's hens had urged.
The Duckville Daily Quack declared: "These
Geese Will Stop at Naught!
"They Plan to Conquer all the World!" "Atrocities They've Wrought!"
"That's right!" the young ducks agreed, "We'll
help our fellow birds!
These Geese have plans to conquer us! ...We've read the Quack's own words!"
They let the hens from Gooseville in, the whole
...And every hen took up a job on the Duckville Daily Quack!!
When the Duckville mayor's term was up, The
Quack put up it's Duck;
A vain and stupid duck was he, a veritable ... cluck!
But when he praised the wild young ducks, and
cursed the evil Geese,
The Quack declared he was "all wise," his praise would never cease.
The hens chipped in to help this cluck. Give
grain away for free.
The old ducks sadly shook their heads, the writing they could see.
And sure enough, this stupid duck, he was elected
From this point on, The Duckville ducks, they never had a prayer.
The Mayor said, "Gooseville must GO!" "We'll
wipe them off the map!"
While Duckville slept, the scheming hens for Gooseville set the trap.
They called the Geese by filthy names; they
filled their pond with sticks.
They helped the weasels catch the Geese, and other hennish tricks.
The Geese got mad and threw the sticks, "It's
WAR!" the Quack announced.
"We ducks must Fight those evil Geese, 'til they've been soundly trounced!"
The ducks (who knew not of the tricks indulged
in by the mayor),
Were filled with patriotic zeal, and pitched right in for fair!
So when the ducks whipped the Geese, the Mayor
"Our HENVILLE friends should really take Gooseville's big main street!"
The hens were back in Gooseville now; they
starved and beat the Geese.
They prayed for "Peace" – but organized the "HENVILLE ARMED POLICE!!!"
They drained the Geese's swimming pond, they
"De-Goose-ified" their schools;
They wrung the Gooseville mayor's neck on lately made-up rules.
They formed a council of the hens; "UNITED
BIRDS" the name.
The other birds who joined the thing did not perceive the game.
No sooner had they set this up, than they announced
their hennish plan:
To seize up Swanville as a home for all their hennish clan.
They took a vote among the hens, and everyone
"Swanville was for HENS!" they said, "Way back, before we moved,"
And so they kicked the swans all out, with
Duckville's help and power
And Duckville couldn't understand why swans, on them turned sour.
By this time, Duckville was a mess, the young
ducks had all gone mad.
They stole and laughed at Truth and Law; they went completely "bad."
The hens were selling Loco Weed in every nasty
But ducks who dared to mention this, were labeled "ANTI-HEN...!"
The hens all preached of "Tolerance," they
invoked the "Golden Rule,"
But they subsidized the indigent, the greedy and the fool.
At last the very dumbest ducks began to smell
"This mayor is no good!" they cried, "And we will soon fix that!"
But the hens had planned for even this. A candidate
Whom even wise old ducks believed just never could be bad.
This Hen-tool duck whipped the Geese, a soldier
Duck was he.
Although the hens had set him up, the Ducks all thought him free.
This Hen-tool got elected, through ignorance
Through hennish lies in Press and Speech, through Bribes of "Chicken Feed."
The hens now kicked the ducks around without
a blush of shame,
Until the mayor ran the town in nothing else but name.
They pumped the Duck's pond all dry; they taught
the ducks to crow,
While duckish numbers dwindled, the hens began to grow.
The hens stirred up the happy crows from out
of the piney wood,
To Fight to Mix and Marry ducks in the name of "Brotherhood."
Things got so bad that fifty ducks, who knew
the days gone by;
Took up their wives and children and decided that they'd fly.
They flew through storms and tempest; they
froze, and many died.
But on they drove, until, at last, a lovely lake they spied.
They settle down exhausted, but soon went straight
To build and clear and cultivate, no danger did they shirk.
Now after many years of toil, this little band
The fields around were full of grain from seeds that they had sown.
The first ducks were long since dead; their
struggles long had ceased.
Through hard work and suffering, their joys had been increased.
One day down near the entrance gate there was
an awful din;
A hundred hens, all out of breath, were begging to come in.
"Oh, let us in!" these poor birds cried, "Before
we do expire!"
"Tis only by the merest inch...."
"... ... ... ..."
.....This epic really has no end, because No
matter how you fight 'em,
Those HENS will show up Every Time, and So, ...Ad Infinitum ...!!!